"it wasn't me, it was...!" (conflict resolution)

(part of the Total Quality Leadership (TQL) series)

How an organization achieves world class quality excellence depends on its leaders within the organization, at all levels of the organization.  Whether your organization has just started its quality journey with ISO certification or are ready to apply for the world renowned Deming award, the critical success factor to world class quality excellence…it’s all in the leadership!

Leadership skills that make an environment successful are the same skills that we learned when we were little.  Today's skill, conflict resolution.

When children disagree, we make sure the shouting and the yelling don't get too out of hand. Name calling indicates the disagreement has gotten to the point where there is no point.  Physical hands-on each other is a definite no-no (I know this is different for parents who use the ole "go out there and kick his butt" attitude but I think we have grown enough bullies, boys and girls, with that type of stance.  just my opinion)  Our responsibility as adults is to teach children how to argue.  There is a time to allow venting (letting each state their side), then there is a time to say "stop" and move them to resolution.  They cannot hear each other if both are speaking at the same time (or yelling and screaming).  Name-calling is not a solution, it says "the real problem [I have with you] is over 'cause I don't have any more to back up my side."  An initial solution today is to call a time out. The purpose is to give both time to think about their (poor) behavior, return, apologize, and calmly discuss the problem (hopefully) to resolution.  All is good with the world (for at least 30 minutes). 

A simple swat to the head with a large club was our cave-dwelling forefathers’ method of conflict management.  Debate, alternative solutions, creative ideas, and change are the differences in people that can also breed (positive) conflict.

Cognitive Conflicts are helpful conflicts.  The focus is on issue alternatives, advantages, disadvantages, cost-benefit analysis, and opportunity costs.  They clarify the issues and result in better decisions.  Members have a high commitment to the decisions made.  Properly managed conflict yields Constructive outcomes

·       Introduction of new approaches or solutions

·       Prevelent problems are brought out in the open

·       Thoughts and feelings are clarified

·       Interest and creativity are stimulated

·       Personal capabilities are stretched

Affective Conflicts are more personal conflicts.  They focus on members, accuse each other of selfish motives, argue for self-serving alternatives, finger-pointing, lobby each other, blame the other side, and second-guess previous decisions.  They can tear a team apart.  The result is a weak or ineffective decision with little or no commitment to implementation.  Unmanaged conflict yields Destructive outcomes.   

•         It breeds a climate of distrust and suspicion

•       There is resistance to teamwork

•       People leave the situation because of the turmoil

The selection below is one I found on the children's mini-page of our local newspaper. It is a test to evaluate conflict management skills 001.  How well will you do?







 

Leadership Negotiation Skills Learned in Middle School

                                                  
                                                  "If you behave …”     (Negotiation)



Classroom Behavior Agreement



To the left, you see a working agreement developed by middle school 7th graders.  At the start of the first day, the homeroom teacher led her 25 7th graders through, what we call in the business world of team, defining a working agreement.  She explained to them this year one of the school’s goals was to eliminate bullying.  She shared with them they were going to go through an exercise of writing down the rules of good behavior for the class.

There were several “bullies” in the class (although they were not pointed out) and it took a while to get them on board with the process. They were split up on all the teams. Once the students got to the "Positives” (what would they gain), they started coming around.  The "Consequences" clinched it.  Once you know what the consequences are then it becomes your decision on whether to follow the rules or not.  At 12 and 13 years old, they more than understood that.  The other area of opportunity that came up during the long discussions was many of the students did not recognize their (poor) behavior.  It wasn’t something that was actioned at home.  If they did something wrong, they received the back of someone’s hand and that was the end of that.  By the end of the class exercise, every student agreed with the list.

Since this was their agreement, one they had created, not the teacher, the commitment was there. When the teacher asked for a show of hands, every student raised their hand in agreement. The Agreement hangs on the wall, visible as soon as you walk in the door (the parents read it when they came in for their parent-teacher introduction).  It serves as a constant reminder (their promise) on manners, courtesy and respect for each other.

  



 

Team Working Agreement (behavior)



The statements above are part of the agreement created with and by a city's department associates.  I took them through the same exercise as the students.  There was a dysfuntionality with the team.  Some had been there for more than 20 years, others just came on board.  The multi-generational gap was great.  The objective was to get them to move to a positive mind-set before addressing anything else.

First, the participants in this workshop broke into groups.  Each had 30 minutes to brainstorm the response to:  "When people see our team, they will see a team that .......". 

After 30 minutes, each team presented their comments.  It was glaring - they were very similar.  Another 30 minutes was spent negotiating the sequence of each statement as well as the wording.

The team working agreement above is an example of the top 10 behaviors in team courtesy, manners, and respect.  The agreement was distributed to all attendees as well as those in other sections of the department.  Not one person disagreed with the list.  A copy hangs in each work place whether cubicle, inside a city vehicle, or office.  It acts as a reminder of (a negotiated) list of appropriate behavior.

Negotiation is defined as resolving disagreements through discussion and compromise (the word compromise is a good thing).  Both team agreements were successful because each was negotiated between those it directly affects.  The desire to make it work increased because it was their (the students, the city team) words, their rules of conduct.  They wanted to be held accountable for its (their) success.

It has been a year since the agreements were placed into action.  Both agreements are used as an introduction for the new members to the class / team.  Both groups continue to achieve their goal and both are happier (and hence more productive) because of it.  In the business world we call it a win-win negotiation strategy.

 



FROM CIVIL RIGHTS TO THE BOARDROOM - Walk the Talk

The genesis of the civil rights movement in the ‘60s was based on the mantra Walk the Talk.  These three words were a thunderous voice from black, and many white, and female Americans.  Three simple words defined the drive for equality in America.

• If we are equal, our schools should be equal.
• If we are equal, I should be able to live in the same neighborhood.
• 
  

  If we are equal, my child should be able to play at the same arenas your child does.
• 
  
• If we are equal, I should be able to get the same job.
  
• If we are equal, I should be making the same amount of money.
• If we are equal, I should not have to pay more for insurance. 

If we are equal, treat us with dignity and respect.

The mantra has transitioned to the corporate world. Three simple words born from the same desire for self-worth.

§        If you value us, pay us a livable wage.

§        If you value us, give us time with our family.

§        If you value us, tell us the strategy so we can help.

§        If you value us, educate us.

§        If you value us, educate yourselves.

If you value us, treat us with dignity and respect.

http://educationnonpareil.webnode.com/home

Human Relations...A Micro-mini Course

The six most important words:   " I admit I made a mistake."


The five most important words:  "You did a good job."


The four most important words:  "What is your opinion?"


The three most important words:  "If you please."


The two most important words:  "Thank you."


The one most important word:  "We."


The least important word:  "I"


Et voilà.

http://educationnonpareil.webnode.com/home

DIDNTCHA MOMMA EVER TELL YA…

Every Sunday morning I do two things, actually three if you include drinking a brewed cup of coffee.  First, I read the magazines I received during the week.  Good Housekeeping editor-in-chief, Rosemary Ellis’s monthly Editor’s Letter column described the various ways people earn Good Housekeeping Seals.  One earned Seal moment she remembered best was the time her two year old daughter, Lucy, said “please” and “thank you” all by herself without being prompted.  The significance, as any parent would agree, is the demonstrated performance measurement we hold ourselves to – she was proud of the job she was doing with Lucy’s upbringing.  Good manners tell others you were “brought up right”.

The second thing I take Sunday mornings is call my, as of last Wednesday, 7-year-old granddaughter.  She lives in another city so I always look forward to my weekly call to her.  After talking about her week, hearing the new songs she herself has “written”, we take turns reading stories to each other.  This Sunday, the library book I checked out was Madeleine says Merci (thank you).  My grandchild speaks French so the tale was bi-educational.  I read the story and to each different setting the author created she responded in English with the correct courtesy comment.   

The first “key” in my paper, “The Keys to Unlocking Staff Motivation” is Common Courtesy Shows Your Employees You Respect Them.  I introduce this topic by asking participants, “Who in this audience believes that they do not deserve to be treated with respect?”  My audiences are multicultural, multi-ethnic, multigenerational, and across all levels of the organization – from associate to corporate.  Not one hand goes up. 

In case your momma didn’t tell you

1. Say “thank you” when you are given something.
2. Say “you’re welcome” when someone thanks you.
3. Say “please” when you ask for something.
4. Say “hello” to people when you see them.
5. Say “I’m sorry” (and mean it) when you do something wrong. 
6. Say “excuse me” when you regret an action likely to upset someone
7. Say “pardon me” when you want someone to repeat a comment  (the guttural “huh?” is not appropriate)
8. Do not interrupt when other people are talking.  (it is the genesis for children to learn active listening skills)

Lastly, one that drive me insane:

• arrive on time for meetings.  Everyone’s time is as important as yours is.  (it is the genesis for teaching children planning skills)

Manners have nothing to do with socio-economic status or demographics. Good manners costs not one penny. We should all possess proper manners.  It says we were “brought up right”.  It says we are professional.  It says we know everyone, young and old, deserves to be treated with respect.  It also says we, in turn, will be respected.